For their birthday, Renae wrote the 22 reasons she loves her twin, Randi. I am stealing that idea, as I do most cool ideas, and making my own post in honor of their joint twenty second birthday. Though, I have decided since there are two of them in my post, I will only do eleven reasons and I will use reasons I HATE them. Here we go!
1. They stole my face. It is true, they both look like me. But these thieving rascals didn’t even have the decency to stay ugly like me. No, instead they have smaller, prettier versions of my face. (Well, maybe not Randi when she sneers). Rude I say. At least I got the curves, so take that!
2. They hit really hard. Everyone will be just playing around giving little punches, love taps really, and out of nowhere…WHAM! And then they say “Oh, I didn’t hit you that hard!” But that is not true. They are mean, mean hitting machines. Watch out.
3. They are all the time dancing around when you are trying to do something. Just walking along minding your own business does not prevent you from being dragged in to a spontaneous dance party. Here I am in the kitchen trying to cook, walking down the hallway, reading a book in a quiet, secluded location when they burst in dancing around like Keisha crazed pre-teens hopped up on who knows what! Do their moves cut just like a knife? Yes of course they does, but that is not the point.
4. They have bigger hair than I do. Really, most of my young and teen life I wanted to have that straight or kind of wavy hair the popular girls had. They could always run their fingers through it and toss it around. I am a fuzz head. When I finally embraced my fuzzedness, all I wanted was volume. I can get great curls, but they hang limp along side my giant face. Renae has the most amazing volume. Randi can do a shake and stick a clip in yesterday’s hair for an instant on the town look. I hate you, my hair hates you, I hate you.
5. They look cute in almost anything they wear. I’m not talking about the 15 different colors and patterns they blend together into their twisted little tacky chic collection. I still maintain that those shoes cannot be worn with that tank top, that shirt, that headband, or that scarf separately, and so should definetly NOT be worn with all of those pieces together. Seriously, what happened, did your closet throw up on you or are you a spokesperson for the DI maybe? Also, can you get any bigger earrings? I don’t think the people in china can see those…Though I think they did see the flower stuck to the side of your head. Turn down the volume, your accessories are TOO loud. And yet, they are in a constant state of adoration and compliment whereas I wore a black outfit to church again this week.
6. They have too many friends.
7. They make/decorate/create amazing cakes. That was my thing, jerks.
8. They always speak their minds, even when what they are saying is really mean and not something I wanted to hear, thank you very much. I have one little complaint and they’re all “Maybe you should think about why you feel that way.” Or “What have you been doing to help yourself, hmmm?” If I wanted that, I’d talk to mom!
9. They make the best cookies. Why does that make me hate them you might ask? Because they took their bking skills and went away! I crave twinner made chocolate chip cookies, but no, they have to grow up and live in different places and get experience and be people blah blah blah I want a cookie!
10. They cheat. Well, Renae may not cheat on her own, but she is a willing participant to Miranda’s devious actions whenever they’re together. They have their own twin code, which makes them specially equipped to play games and be cheaters together. I’m not paranoid, this is fact.
11. Finally, the last one! I’m so sick of thinking about these little barfs that I’m nearly going to…well, barf. They are the source of constant interest and discussion. “How’s Randi? How’s Renae? How are Randi and Renae?” “What’s Renae doing with her life?” “Is Randi enjoying her summer?” “Do they still have the same haircut?” WHO CARES!!!???!!! There are a lot more important things in the world to discuss than boring old Bin and Bugs. For instance, think of all the good you could have been doing in the time it took you to read these eleven reasons I hate these two. They have swindled us all again! Hats off to you, you tricksy hobbits you. And happiest of birthdays as well!
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